In life one has to face a huge assortment
Of nauseating fads and good advice
There’s health and fitness, diet and deportment
And other pointless forms of sacrifice
Conversation, wit, I am a doubter
Manners, charm, they’re no way to impress
So forget the inner me, observe the outer
I am what I wear and how I dress
Now I believe in looking like my time on earth is cooking
Whether polka-dotted stripes or even checks
With some glamour guaranteeing every fiber of my being
Is displayed to quite remarkable effects
From your cradle via trousseau to your death bed you’re on view so
Never compromise accept no substitute
I would rather wear a barrel than conservative apparel
A dress has always been my strongest suit
Staying in or hitting townwards, from the top and working downwards
I ensure that every stitch is stitched in time
Whether wig or hat or turban, whether clad boudoir or urban
Not to strut your stuff outrageously’s a crime
And the few who are invited to my wardrobe are delighted
As they wander through my things to find en route
That in negligee or formal I am anything but normal
A dress has always been my strongest suit
Now you don’t need a recital of the reasons why it’s vital
That tonight I simply have to look my best
That from coronet to sandal no one else is worth a candle
That I couldn’t make more impact if I’m dressed
So bring me out my finest, most audacious, my divinest
Most revealing, most expensive and to boot
Most arresting, most heart-stopping, most free-flowing, most eye-popping
A dress has always been my strongest suit
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