"Today boys and girls we have a special speaker in the house tonight
And he's gonna teach you about life and death"
I was born a God damn failure
Dropped outta school at mitalia
Found me a nickel and lost a dime
My whole life story came true in a rhyme
I don't know what the fuck was on my mind
I tried suicide 4 or 5 times
Tryed to take a whiff into wrist but it didn't work
And it seems I'm the only one that's gettin' hurt
Now I gotta bullet and a chain, and I'm fulla sweat
I decide to play a game of Russian Roulette
Click, click, click I guess I loose I didn't win
So I decide to do it again and again
Now it's gettin' borin' 'cause I keep on loosin'
I guess I'm kinda cruisin' for a bruisin'
Then I take a knife and put a 6 in my head
3 times then I say I wish I was dead
Blood drippin' off my forehead
And then I'm lyin' in my deathbed, but I'm not dead
I gotta headache so I'm gettin' somethin' for it see
I take some Tylenols, about 23
So what you wanna follow me
I got 13 ways to commit suicide
Who would like to hang from a tree?
"I would I would," then listen close to me
You get some sturdy rope and put it 'round your neck
Tie a real good knot, or the shit won't work
It's best to put it in a noose
Just incase you have second thoughts you can't get loose
Now we're at number 6
This a real goody no special effects or countertricks
Tie a big rock to your foot no mistakes
Then jump your ass in a deep lake
Get yourself some gas, then drink that shit
Then drink some more, then you smoke the cigarette
Or better yet, get real drunk and take a real long drive
On the freeway down the wrong side
Brother you're bound to make a hit
It's like lettin' a pitbull suck a dick
So if you wanna follow me
I got 13 ways to commit suicide
Now we're on number 11
Did you know suicidalists didn't go to heaven?
'No where they go man?" take another guess
Matter fact take another suicidal test
This is what you do man
Go jump your monkey ass off a real tall building
And then you live through that one
You get reincarnated mean you get to come back son
But I seriously doubt that
'Cause you been tryin' to kill yourself you don't give a shit about that
All you wanna do is die
Maybe motherfuckers kill themselves but don't know why
But I know why I'm teachin' you this
"Why?" Should you have to kill yourself, you don't miss
To prevent a miss, you put a gun in your mouth
And blow your fuckin' brains out
Fuck your mommy, fuck your daddy, nobody cares
Look how they treated you over the years
What you oughta do is kill them then you
A suicidalist dream come true
So if you wanna follow me
I got 13 ways to commit suicide
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